Ten Light-Years Apart (DEMO)
Ten Light-Year Apart is the story of two women navigating a long-distance relationship across the stars.
It's the 10 year anniversary since Valria Hill left Earth behind to run from the impending war. Today is just another day while she tries to balance her life.
Development log
- Timeline updateDec 30, 2020
- Demo 2.0Nov 08, 2020
Comments
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Intriguing. Bummer it's so short; I'm glad to hear you're continuing this!
Definitely agree with the earlier comments all around; this is a very promising start and I'm looking forward to seeing the rest. One thought on the passage where you see the results of the maintenance: if the line "I can feel me and Lillya growing apart..." is meant to be Valria's thoughts, maybe italicize it; that's often used as shorthand for a character's thoughts.
Have you thought about submitting this (or the full version, if you have it done in time) to Yuri Game Jam 2020? It's got another month left, so you might not be able to finish the full game in time, from what you said below, but you could definitely submit this demo, or an extended version of the demo.
Thank you for playing and commenting!
Yeah, one of the big things that I've learned from the demo is that I need to work on telling the difference between talking/thoughts/texts.
And I actually do hope to get it done in time for that! My biggest problems after creating the demo are mostly fixed. Now it's just sitting down and writing it lol.
I agree with willitchio, so I won't repeat what they've said. I thought it was bittersweet, and I really hope the full version includes at least one ending with a happy reunion. And I want to know what the surprise is! Is it a puppy? (Yes, that was my first thought. Don't judge me. I love animals.) I know it's probably something more profound than that.
Do you plan to continue the game, as the credits promised? If so, I shall definitely follow it!
First of all, thank you so much! Yes I definitely plan on finishing it! I was really hoping to finish before the "Twine Ten Year Anniversary Jam" ended, but I couldn't beat that deadline. I expect the game to be finished by the end of the year.
Only two months of the year left, oh my stars. It's been a weird year, hasn't it? So many things were the same for me (still unemployed, still job-hunting, still an introvert with social anxiety staying at home most of the time, etc). But at least I got back into writing by doing this game jam. I've barely done any writing this year at all, so this kind of broke a dry spell for me. I hope things haven't been awful for you? A lot of people have been badly affected by lockdowns; but as this is the first time society has been better designed for introverts, I don't have as much sympathy as I might otherwise have done.
Anyway, I don't know if I can follow the game itself, so I might end up following you. Gosh, it sounds so creepy when put like that, doesn't it?
Hey, this is a really great start! I like the nicknames Lillya and Valria use for each other. The simple choice to lie or tell the truth is a great narrative device. I feel there isn't much incentive to lie because the truth option is really sweet!!
Some grammar/spelling stuff I noticed:
(hit "view rest")
"haven't ate" should be "haven't eaten"
"Chloe, what needs to be done with the ship? --> missing an end quote.
"matenance" should be "maintenance". Also, coding-wise, clicking any one of the tasks completes all four tasks -- unsure if intentional.
Best way to distinguish thoughts from spoken words is not to use quotes for thoughts, but this is a style recommendation and not prescriptive.
Similar style recommendation: Using nametags in the dialogue between Valria and Chloe suggests initially that they are messaging each other, as it's very close to how you've shown the messages between Valria and Lillya. I'd just use conventional paragraph structure for Valria and Chloe, i.e. drop the nametags.
Thank you so much! I've contemplated the Truth/Lie scene a lot tbh and it's definitely gonna be figured out :) Also thank you for the grammar tips! I don't know if they'll be fixed for the demo, but almost likely will be fixed for the full game!